The number of first-time mothers aged 40-plus around the globe is growing. Creating a support system for these mums is not merely ethical – it’s good for society and the economy, too.
The month after she turned 40, Jenny Glancy-Potter gave birth to twins. Their births marked the end of an excruciating struggle to become a mother, and the joyous beginning of a new life stage. Motherhood, though, had come far later than Glancy-Potter had ever imagined.
“In a lot of ways, I have less energy than I did when I was younger,” she says. “But in terms of my outlook, I think this is a beautiful time to become a mum. I’ve got a lot more patience, I’m a lot wiser, and I’ve done so much in my life.” She would know by now – her children have since turned five.
The number of women beginning families in their 40s and older is rising, while the number who do so in their 20s and 30s declines
Glancy-Potter, now aged 45, from Lancashire in the UK, is part of a growing community of Generation X women around the world for whom motherhood has begun at 40-plus.
The number of women beginning families in their 40s and older is rising, while the number who do so in their 20s and 30s declines. In the UK, the pregnancy rate is falling for all age groups – except for the over-40s. In 2016, the conception rate among women of 40 and above grew by 2% on the previous year, and it has more than doubled throughout the previous 25 years.
Birth patterns are the same in the US, where in 2017 the birth rate was its lowest for 30 years, but it nevertheless rose for women over 40, who are having more children than ever.
Caring for two generations
Starting a family after 40 brings a unique set of opportunities and challenges.
Forty-three-year-old Bhavna Thakur, who has a one-year-old daughter, also understands what is it like to be the “oldest mother in the toddler park”.
After the birth of her child, Thakur returned to her full-time job in Mumbai, where she works for an investment firm as a managing director. She has found that having a child in her 40s meant she had time to work her way up to a senior position.
“Because I’m senior enough I can be master of my own time, whereas if I was junior there would be someone else dictating where I had to be and when. I’ve had a lot of flexibility to go home early and work from home when I need to.”
Although she has found it challenging not being able to travel as much, she has a very understanding manager, she says. “My boss told me, ‘This is a 10-year-game, it’s a marathon not a sprint, you’ll get back to doing what you can do’.”
Thakur has encountered a different, unexpected struggle as a Gen-X mum. It is difficult, she says, to balance the three most time-intensive obligations in her life: care for two generations of family and cultivating a career.
I’m split between my mother and my daughter, and right now, my daughter is more dependent on me – Bhavna Thakur
“Because we are old parents, our parents are now quite old. They have ailments and issues and they need looking after as well,” she says. “My parents live in Delhi, and I’m not able to go and spend as much time as I would like because I have a small child to take care of. I’m split between my mother and my daughter, and right now, my daughter is more dependent on me.”
Thakur’s struggle is indicative of a broader worldwide juggling act. Many women who start families in their 40s the world over find themselves spread between caring for two generations at once.
Some companies in New Zealand and the UK are trialling innovative measures, such as the four-day working week at full-time pay, which have the potential to make home-life and work-life balance more sustainable. Although some have proven successful, these programmes are the exception, and far from becoming the norm.
A fork in the road
In general, a mother’s decision to return to work after childbirth is a difficult one with many considerations – especially financial ones. The UK has the most expensive childcare in the world, unlike Sweden where it is heavily subsidised. These costs have implications for any first-time mother, regardless of age.
Glancy-Potter believes the financial strain of childcare is particularly acute for women in their 40s, many of whom cannot rely on grandparents to help.